Paradise Lost

Paradise Lost

“What hath night to do with sleep?”

John Milton

Back when I used to golf more regularly, I would occasionally go on a trip with a group for two or three days at a nice course nearby. Several years ago, we went up to Santa Barbara and stayed in the cottages at Birnam Wood, which has a clubhouse with great food and beautiful surroundings.

Twelve of us had dinner together one evening, recounting our day’s adventure. When it came time to turn in, my roommate and I walked back to our cottage. Within a few minutes of opening the door, he was asleep and snoring like a banshee.

I hadn’t even brushed my teeth yet, and I thought, “Oh boy, I’m not going to get to sleep, let alone sleep well, with all that racket.”

That’s when I spotted a dim light coming from the closet.

Now, I’m not an architect, but I’ve never understood why they made the closets so big in the cottages at Birnam Wood. But, after a moment’s mental calculation, I had a bright idea. Pulling all the covers off my twin bed, I dragged the box spring and the mattress into the closet and remade the bed.

It fit by mere inches on each side. Very pleased with myself, I pulled the door shut with the interior handle and turned off the light by tugging on the long string hanging conveniently within my reach. I enjoyed complete silence.

I slept like a baby, and I am sure that my roommate did too, as I’m not above snoring myself. But, I can’t help but wonder if, when he awoke to find me, along with the covers, pillows, mattress, and box spring, all missing, he thought I must have been abducted by aliens.