Zuleika’s Raleighs
“And curse Sir Walter Raleigh, he was such a stupid get.”
John Lennon
When my cousin Stephen and I were 14 and 13, respectively, we got what seemed like a brilliant idea up at Aunt Janice and Uncle Gordon’s cabin.
Let’s steal a pack of Zuleika’s cigarettes! She has a couple of cartons and will never notice one missing. Zuleika was their beloved housekeeper, and since she spent nearly all her time working somewhere else in the cabin, we thought it would be easy.
Even writing this, I feel the guilt that flowed over me throughout this ill-fated adventure.
We proceeded anyway, and snatching a new pack of her filterless Raleigh Reds, we scrambled out the door. Running down the dirt road toward the lake, we needed to find a secluded spot to do the deed and so veered off to a stand of willows past the small pond just to the right of the lake.
Unwrapping our ill-gotten gains, and our hearts pounding, we folded back the foil exposing the first few cigarettes. We felt incredibly grown up for a few seconds. No turning back now, we pulled out two and lit ‘em up.
They were raw, bitter, and noxious, so we smoked all twenty of them as fast as we could, then buried the crumpled package in the sand.
As it was getting toward dinner, we jumped up to run back to the cabin. Funny how time flies when you are doing something stupid. Everything was fuzzy and we were bilious, so running back was out of the question.
The cabin door popped open just as we reached it, and there were Uncle Gordon, Aunt Janice, and Zuleika.
There was no point in lying, so we confessed all — well, not how many we actually smoked. We had to apologize and pay Zuleika back a quarter each for a replacement pack.
But the worst of it was the shame I felt for betraying three people that I loved.
That made a lasting impression on me and was the end of my smoking career, except for two short weeks during college, but that is a whole different story.
-Hank
P.S.: The reason John Lennon cursed Sir Walter Raleigh is worth looking up.
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